


Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

by julliangray



Category: The A-Team (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Episode Related, Explicit Language, M/M, Male Slash, Near Death, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:27:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24713854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julliangray/pseuds/julliangray
Summary: Why was Hannibal so stand-offish to Face when they returned to Langley on their last mission?  Better yet, why was that blonde in the compound sharing quiet moments with Hannibal in the dark?Note: Prequel to Nothing Else Matters.  Takes place during Season Five, with a lot of flashbacks to "Without Reservations".Special Thanks to Indigo Angels and HannibalFan’52!!!!
Relationships: Templeton "Faceman" Peck/John "Hannibal" Smith
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

**********  
Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word: Elton John  
What I got to do to make you love me?  
What I got to do to make you care?  
What do I do when lightning strikes me?  
And I wake to find that you're not there?

What I got to do to make you want me?  
What I got to do to be heard?  
What do I say when it's all over?  
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

It's sad, so sad  
It's a sad, sad situation.  
And it's getting more and more absurd.  
It's sad, so sad  
Why can't we talk it over?  
Oh it seems to me  
That sorry seems to be the hardest word.

What do I do to make you want me?  
What I got to do to be heard?  
What do I say when it's all over?  
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

It's sad, so sad  
It's a sad, sad situation.  
And it's getting more and more absurd.  
It's sad, so sad  
Why can't we talk it over?  
Oh it seems to me  
That sorry seems to be the hardest word.  
Yeh. Sorry

What I got to do to make you love me?  
What I got to do to be heard?  
What do I do when lightning strikes me?  
What have I got to do?  
What have I got to do?  
When sorry seems to be the hardest word.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvbQzRAi4wM 

**********

“What have I got to do?” Hannibal thought as he reached down to pull back the bloody tablecloth. All the harsh words that were said all the things that were done to inflict pain and hurt. “Why couldn’t we just talk it over?”

***  
Hannibal wasn’t sure of much except for two things - he wanted a shower, and he wanted his lover in his arms.  
The mission had been hard, it had been long, and the thought of going back to Stockwell’s golden cage did not sit well with him at this particular time. He was tired, body and soul, and then there was Face.

He had not been able to spend any quality time with his lover for over a month. Oh, they’d had contact, a touch here and there, but nothing close or personal, nothing intimate. They had either been too busy or had to be too careful not to be caught. Although Murdock and BA knew of their relationship, Frankie and Stockwell did not, and that was just how Hannibal planned on keeping it.

“I’ve got three rooms.” Face walked over to Hannibal with a smile on his handsome face. “Two doubles and a single.” Moving closer, Face leaned into Hannibal’s side, so the Colonel was the only one who could hear him. “The single has a king.” The husky tone that crept into Face’s voice made Hannibal swallow hard.

"Nice.” Hannibal smiled as he casually touched Face’s hand and took the single’s key.

“Me and Face bunk together!” Murdock shouted as leaped forward and grabbed the second key from Face’s hand

“Guess that leaves you and Frankie.” Face handed BA the last key. “Better luck next time.”

“Man, that fool snores sounds like a damn building imploding,” BA grumbled as he picked up his bag and glared at Face then Frankie.

“I don't snore,” Frankie protested as he grabbed his bag.

“Yes, you do,” the entire team responded at once.

“I’ve heard freight trains that are quieter than you,” BA continued to grumble as he started moving towards the elevator with Frankie still hot on his heels protesting that he didn’t snore.

“Face!” Hannibal called out as the team began to break up.

“Yeah?” Face turned to smile at him.

“I want you to meet me in my room when you get settled. We need to go over our report to Stockwell before we get back to Virginia.” Hannibal smiled as he reached into the conman's coat pocket to pull out a cigar. As soon as it was in his mouth, a flame appeared to light it.

“I’ll see you in about ten minutes.” Face winked before moving to follow Murdock.

Hannibal sighed as he watched Face walk toward the elevator doors, his dark blue jeans clinging to his well-toned ass. 

***  
Once in his room, Hannibal quickly stripped out of his clothes and got into the shower, washing away the day's dirt and grime. When he was finished, he wrapped a towel around his waist and dried his hair as he waited for Face.

Twenty minutes later, a frazzled-looking Templeton Peck came through his hotel room door. Instantly, Hannibal was aware of the younger man's mood and moved to stand in front of him.

“What’s wrong, kid?”

“Its Murdock,” Face sighed heavily. “Hannibal, he needs help.”

Forgetting about his own needs, Hannibal moved to grab some clean clothes out of his bag and began to dress.

“What do you mean, needs help?” Hannibal asked as he started buttoning his shirt. “What’s going on?”

Face ran his hand through his hair as he started to pace back and forth and then stuffed them into his pants pockets.

“I know that he has mental problems, that is a given, but I thought since he came out here with us that he was all right. I don’t know,” Face shook his head as he removed one hand from his pocket to run it through his hair again. “Maybe it’s just the crap going on with Stockwell, or maybe having to find a job and a place to live has put too much pressure on him. I mean, it can’t be easy to find employment continually? Then there was our trial and…I just don't know.”

Face stopped for a moment to look at Hannibal, his blue-green eyes full of pain. “I'm worried, John. It's not like before when he stayed at the VA all the time, and we could get him out when we needed him. He doesn't have anyone to talk; Richter isn't here for him if he feels like something isn't right. I just don't know,” he sighed again.

Hannibal watched the younger man start to pace again. If Face thought that Murdock needed help, then the pilot required help. Face worried about a lot of things that he didn't need to worry about, but when it came to the team, he was extremely in tune with everyone's needs.

“All right, when we get back, I'll make some phone calls and see if…”

“No!” Face stopped dead in his tracks and turned to look at his lover. “You can’t tell Stockwell. He’ll send Murdock away!”

Hannibal knew that Face was working himself up, and he needed to put an end to it. “Face, you need to calm down.” Hannibal moved over to the younger man and gently placed his hands on his shoulders to keep him from moving. “I have no intention of telling Stockwell anything. I still have friends in the outside world. I’ll make a few calls and see if we cant get him some help through a local VA.”

“Stockwell will find…”

“I said enough,” Hannibal squeezed the younger man’s shoulders to get his attention. “You let me worry about Stockwell.”

Face looked at Hannibal for a few seconds before sighing heavily. “Sure, Hannibal.”

When his lover gave up his argument so quickly, Hannibal studied him carefully. He noted how tired and worn-out the younger man looked. The fact that he hadn't even bothered to shower and change out of his dusty clothes spoke volumes.

Why don’t you get in the shower and well lie down for a few hours?” Hannibal suggested as he started to steer them towards the bathroom, but Face took a step backward so that he could put a little distance between the two of them.

Hannibal watched as Face took a deep breath and looked at the hotel room door; if he didn't know any better, he was sure that the younger man was about to bolt for it. 

“What’s going on, Tem?

“I cant.” Face ran his hands through his hair yet again. “Murdock needs me right now.” Face dropped his head. “I’m sorry, John. I want to spend some time with you, I do.” When he looked back up, Hannibal could see that the younger man’s eyes were begging him to understand. “I just need to get back.” Face looked back at the door again, then at Hannibal. “He’s…he’s.” Face shook his head again, “I just need to go.”

“Wait a second.” Hannibal moved to grab his boots as well. “I’ll go with…” 

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”

Hannibal turned his intent gaze up to his lovers. “Face, if something is going on with Murdock, I need to know what it is. He is still a functioning part of this team; I have that right.”

“And that’s what I’m afraid of.” Face held up his hand, silencing the older man. “You’re going to go in there and start demanding to know what is wrong when I don’t think he even knows what the problem is.” Face sighed again, his hands moving to his hair and not for the first time Hannibal wondered how he had not pulled it all out. Hell, Hannibal was sure that if his Lieutenant had been wearing a tie, the younger man would already have adjusted it half a dozen times by now. Part of him wanted to pull Face into his arms so bad and just reassure him that everything was going to be alright, while another side of him started to become angry that he was being kept in the dark by his second in command.

“Don’t you think I have the right to know what is going on?” he demanded, his voice switching from lover to commander.

As Hannibal stared at him, Face noted that the older man was starting to go into command mode, and that was something that he didn't have the energy to deal with at this time. Taking a deep breath, Face forced himself to relax before he continued. 

“Yes, and that is why I’m here to tell you that something is up, but please give me some time. Maybe I can work it out just between the two of us, and we won't need anyone else's involvement.”

“I don't think that's a good idea, Lieutenant.”

“All I’m asking for is two days. If things haven’t changed by the time we get back to Virginia, then I promise to come to you and tell you everything, but please, John, give me two days to figure things out.” Face looked deep into his lover's blue eyes. “Please.”

Hannibal looked at the young man standing before him. He wanted to demand Face to tell him precisely what was going on; he wanted to go over into the other room and have a nice long talk with his pilot. Still, he knew that it would only put more undue stress on his already exhausted lover, and he just couldn't do that to him right now. 

“I don’t like it, but I’ll give you until we’re back in Langley. After that, I want a full report on his condition do we understand each other?”

“Thanks.” Face said as he moved toward the door relief flooding his body.

“Hey, kid.” Hannibal moved to place his hand on Face’s shoulder, stopping him from opening the door. “You forgetting something?”

Face turned to look at the older man, beautiful smile lighting his lips.

“Never.” Face moved forward to kiss Hannibal.

As their lips were about to touch, there was a pounding on the wall, causing both of them to jump. Face closed his eyes and shook his head as he realized that the chance to spend time with Hannibal was now gone.

“I need to get back in there before I don’t have a bed to sleep in tonight.”

“What’s he doing?” Hannibal looked at the wall as another thump came through it.

“Building a fort when I left,” Face sighed heavily again. “Though at this point, who knows.”

Hannibal placed his hands in Face’s hair so he could pull his head forward. He placed a gentle kiss on the younger man's forehead, the tip of his nose, and then his lips.

“If you need me, you call me.”

“I will.” Face leaned forward to wrap his arms around Hannibal, hugging him briefly before moving back to the door. As he went through the door, he turned to look back at the older man. “I love you.”

“Love you too, kid.” Hannibal smiled.

“I’ll try to get back later, but it might be late.”

Hannibal reached out to place a hand on Face’s shoulder again.

“As much as I want you with me, I’d rather you got some sleep kid; I can tell you are exhausted.” He squeezed the slim shoulder gently. “You have to take care of yourself, too.”

“That’s why I have you,” Face laughed. He was about to say more when Murdock stuck his head through their hotel room door, a coonskin hat replacing his standard ball cap.

“Hey, Face, you think you could scam me about half a dozen sheets? I can't get the fort big enough for the two of us. Hey, Colonel, want to join us on the great western frontier?”

“No thanks, Captain,” Hannibal offered the pilot a brief smile.

Face turned to look at his best friend, then back at Hannibal, his hand going to his hair.   
“I’ll see you later?”

“In the morning, kid,” he stated gently. “Get some rest.”

Hannibal watched as Face went back into the hotel room, the younger man's shoulders slumped in weariness.

Realizing that he was going to spend the night alone, Hannibal went back into his room. He stretched out on the bed and began running the names of different people he could contact through his head. Several hours later, he dozed off, his mind already making plans to get Murdock help and to spend some quality time with Face even if it meant BA and Frankie would have to babysit the pilot. 

***

3:00 AM

Hannibal wasn't sure precisely what woke him, but it was definitely one of two things - either the voices screaming in the throes of ecstasy or the thumping of a headboard hitting the wall. Either way, the people in the room next to him were having one hell of a good time. He started to smile as the thumping got louder, but the smile quickly turned into a frown as he realized the noise was coming from the room Murdock and Face were sharing.

At first, he was in complete disbelief, but anger instantly rose to replace it. He could not believe that Face was doing this. The man he loved was now in the room next to him, screwing what was supposed to be the younger man's best friend.

“Murdock needs help, my ass,” he growled as he grabbed his shirt, determined to confront the two men.

Just as his hand touched the doorknob, he stopped. What was he going to say to them? That he was hurt? That he felt betrayed? How could Face do this to him? He thought that the younger man loved him.

Suddenly, he let go of the door handle as if it burned him. No, he wouldn't make a fool of himself. He'd known this was going to happen. Face was so much younger than he was. Why should he be surprised that Face had taken a lover closer to his own age? Closing his eyes, he took a deep, calming breath before walking back to the bed.

No, if Face was going to be a coward and lie to him, then he would sit back and wait for his lover to slip up. Or better yet, he would give the other man a taste of his own medicine.

***

“Morning, guys!” Murdock yelled out as he bounced into the hotel’s dining room, announcing his and Face's presence to the rest of the team.

“Shut up, fool! People are trying to eat in peace,” BA growled as he picked up his milk to take a drink.

“Oh, come on, BA, it’s such a beautiful day! The birds are singing, the sky is blue.”

“Can it, Captain! Nobody wants to hear it this morning,” Hannibal snapped, silencing the other man as he angrily cut into a piece of his breakfast steak.

Face looked at his lover in complete disbelief. He couldn't believe what Hannibal had just said after the talk they’d had last night. Hadn't he just explained to him that something wasn't right with the other man and they needed to be careful?

“Hannibal, I don’t think that was necessa…”

“You can keep your mouth shut, too, Lieutenant.” Hannibal glared at Face, the knife coming up as he spoke, jabbing at the air to get his words across. As he looked his lieutenant up and down, he noticed the dark circles under the blonde's eyes and that he seemed tired and worn-out. Years of caring for the young man instantly came to the surface, and Hannibal was just about to ask if Face was alright when he remembered why the younger man looked the way he did. Anger once again boiled up as he looked at the two younger men standing together.

“All I was trying to say was…” Face tried again but was quickly silenced by this lover. 

“And I said to shut your mouth,” Hannibal snapped as he slammed his hand down on the table, causing the dishes to jump.

“What the hell is your problem?” Face hissed as he noticed that people were starting to turn and stare at them. He held his lover's icy stare, though he was truly confused by the other man's actions. “I told you…”

“Did you ever think that just once, some of us would like to sit down and have a quiet meal without a bunch of noise or foolishness?”

Murdock and BA looked at each other for a brief moment before Murdock tried to apologize for whatever he had done to piss the older man off. 

“Sorry, Colonel, it was just so nice outside, I thought…”

“That’s the problem, Captain! Neither of you thinks about anyone but yourselves,” Hannibal growled as he went back to cutting through his steak, his motions angry and hostile, however as soon as he cut through it, he dropped the knife and fork on the plate. “The two of you always have to be the center of attention. Look at BA - he goes in and does his job, never complains, just does what he is supposed to do, does what he is ordered to do. But you two have to make a God-damn production out of everything! You two are not happy unless the world is revolving around you, to hell with anyone else!”

Face listened to his lover berate him, his mind whirling with what had happened since last night and wondering why he was acting like this. But as Hannibal continued to dig into him, Face did what he had done so many times before; he turned his hurt feelings turned into anger.

“If that's the way you feel, Colonel, I’ll make sure that you don’t have to hear another word out of me for the rest of this trip.” He turned his eyes from Hannibal to look over at BA. “I’ll meet you out in the van.”

“That’s fine, Lieutenant, but the real question is, do you think you can keep from whining about everything from here to Langley?”

The Murdock and BA watched as Face turned red from embarrassment, just before his jaw set so tight that they could see the muscles standing out in his neck.

“I promise you won’t hear one more fucking word out of me, Colonel.” Face hissed before he executed a perfect turn on his heels and walked out of the hotel restaurant.

Murdock looked at Faces retreating back and then back at his commander.

“If you can't keep your mouth shut, then you can join him, Captain.” Hannibal spat out.

Murdock looked at their angry commander and a very shocked-looking BA.

“You know, I think I will. At least the company will be friendlier.” Murdock said as he put his hat on and left to follow Face out of the restaurant.

Once Murdock was out of earshot, BA tried to confront Hannibal.

“Man, what’s gotten into you? This morning ain't no different from any other. The fool’s been acting like this for so many years.”

“And maybe I’m sick of it! Perhaps just once Murdock needs to pull his head out of his ass and join the real world. And if he can't, then we should have Stockwell ship him back to LA.” Hannibal growled as he picked up his fork and knife, stabbing the piece of meat he had cut a few minutes before.

“You don't mean that.” BA continued to stare at the older man in complete disbelief.

“The hell I don't,” Hannibal growled as he threw down his fork again, before standing up. “Lets get going. I'm tired of this damn place.”

BA looked at his Colonel for another minute, still not believing the words he was hearing.

“I said, let’s go, Sergeant!” Hannibal snapped as he moved toward the door.

BA rose from the table when a thought hit him.

“Face didn’t eat nothing.”

“He’ll be fine,” Hannibal growled as he continued walking toward the hotel lobby.

“Man, he hasn't had nothing since that gas station last night. If his blood sugar drops…” BA tried, but the Colonel cut him off.

“He’s a grown man; Face knows that he has a medical condition, and Face is more than capable of taking care of himself. Now go get Frankie’s ass, and let's go.”

“I done told you this morning if you had been listening to me.” BA sighed. “After last night, he's taking a plane back to Langley.”

“And why would that be?” Hannibal glared at BA, his anger at the situation with Face and Murdock was bad enough, but the fact that it had affected him where he couldn't remember why Frankie was flying back to Langley was unacceptable.

“Cause I ain't going to sleep with his loud ass snoring for the next two days, that's why,” BA growled back.

Hannibal continued to glare at the other man for another moment then threw his hands up in the air.  
“To hell with it, I don't care, let's move.”

***

“Its a sad, sad situation and it's getting more and more absurd,” but nothing was important now except stopping the flow of blood, nothing but saving the life of the young man he loved

“Please don't let it be too late to make things right, to take back the hurt and pain. He needed a chance to talk things over, to let Face know that he cared.

***

“Face, you alright?” Murdock asked as he looked over at the blonde who was staring straight ahead, his jaw still set, eyes angry.

“I’m fine. Never felt better in my entire life,” Face answered, his irritation evident in his voice.

Leaning closer, Murdock stared at Face before reaching out to grab his friend's hands in his own. Despite Faces best efforts to pull away, the pilot managed to keep hold of them.

“Let go of me,” Face growled in warning through clenched teeth.

“You’re shaking,” Murdock stated as he looked up into his friend’s eyes.

“I said that I am fine.” Face warned as he pulled against the pilot’s grip. “Let go of me, NOW!”

“No, you’re not,” Murdock countered but he did let go of Face’s hands. “BA, you need to find a store and quick, Face has the shakes.”

“How bad is he?” BA glanced at Face in the rearview mirror.

“I said, I feel fine.” Face glared at Murdock, and then up at BA through the mirror. “In fact, I’ve never been better in my entire fucking life.”

BA looked back at Murdock. The team had been driving all day, only stopping gas and a bathroom break. Even then, Face had refused to get out of the van. It was apparent to the Captain and Sergeant that Hannibal’s words had cut the younger man deep. To make matters worse, Hannibal had utterly ignored all three of them; the older man had simply looked straight ahead.

“How is he really?” BA asked again, completely ignoring Faces protests.

“He’s shaking like a building in San Francisco during the big one.”

Hannibal had tried to tune out the conversation going on around him, but when he had heard his captains assessment of Faces condition he was instantly concerned for his lover, but when he turned around to look at Face and saw Murdock leaning in and touching the younger man, his anger flared again.

“Do you have a problem, Lieutenant?”

Face looked into his lover’s blue eyes and saw the anger directed back at him.

“No, sir, not one damn thing that you need to concern yourself with, sir.” Face glared back at the older man.

“Like hell.” Murdock grabbed Face’s hands as he noticed the shaking was getting worse. “BA, find a place ASAP.”

“I told all of you that I am fine!” Face practically yelled. “Just keep driving.”

It was almost another hour before BA was able to find a place to stop, and by that time, Face was far from fine in fact, he was starting to become lethargic and unresponsive. Before the van had even come to a complete stop, Murdock jumped out and ran into the convenience store.

BA turned in his seat to look at Face, who was now leaning back in his seat with his eyes closed, his breathing shallow.

“Hey, little brother, I need you to talk to me, tell me you’re still here with us.” When Face didn't respond, BA tried again. “You still with us, little brother?”

Hannibal turned to look at the younger man, and while he didn't like what he saw, he still couldn't get past the betrayal.

“You were asked a question, Lieutenant.”

Slowly, Face opened his eyes to look at Hannibal, but he didn't say a word as he closed them again. It was at that moment Hannibal realized that the younger man was in serious trouble, Hannibal started to move to kneel in front of him when Murdock jumped back in the van, opening a bottle of orange juice as he climbed in. 

“Come on, Face, open those pretty eyes of yours. I've got something for you.” Murdock gently patted the side of the blonde’s cheek. “Come on, Face,” Murdock tried again, but like before, he got no response. “Face?” Murdock turned to look at BA, his face desperate. He’s not responding at all.”

“Move,” Hannibal ordered as he pushed past Murdock to kneel beside Face. “Tem, talk to me, kid.” Reaching up, Hannibal shook Face by the shoulders. When Face didn't move, he decided to try a different tactic. “Lieutenant Peck, open your eyes - now, Hannibal barked out in military fashion.

Slowly, and with considerable effort, Face opened his eyes, though Hannibal noted with concern they weren't focusing on anything. Grabbing the juice from Murdock with one hand, he tilted Face’s head back with the other as he put the bottle to the younger man's lips.

“Drink,” he commanded. When Face tried to turn his head away, Hannibal squeezed the back of his neck, keeping him in place. “Open your mouth and drink, Lieutenant. That is a direct order, do you understand me?”

Hannibal watched as Face opened his mouth just a little; seeing his chance, he started pouring the juice in.

“That's it; Lieutenant, now swallow.” With the first little bit down, he tried to pour more in, but Face closed his mouth. “Come on; you’re just getting started, soldier.” Hannibal squeezed Face's neck again. When the younger man opened his mouth to protest, the Colonel tilted the bottle up, causing the contents to fill the blonde’s mouth. Face swallowed out of instinct but put his hands up to grab Hannibal's wrist.

“Don’t fight me,” Hannibal warned as Face pulled against his grip. He could tell the younger man was weak by his inability to remove his hand, but he knew that Face would change his tactics when this didn’t work. “I need you to swallow, Lieutenant. When this is gone, I’ll let go, but not a second sooner. Do I make myself clear?”

Face didn't respond verbally but he stopped trying to get out of the older man's grip. Slowly but steadily, Hannibal managed to coax Face into drinking the rest of the orange juice. When it was gone, he handed the bottle back to Murdock, though his eyes never left Face.

“You with us, Lieutenant?” Hannibal asked as Face closed his eyes.

“Yeah.” Face nodded, but kept his eyes closed; it just seemed like too much effort to keep them open.

“God, Face, you scared the hell out of me!” Murdock stated as he reached over to run his fingers through his friend’s hair.

Any feeling of guilt or sympathy that Hannibal might have had instantly disappeared when he witnessed the way the pilot was running his fingers through his lover’s hair. He tightened his grip on the back of Faces neck and shook him 'til Face was once again looking at him.

“Have you lost your damn mind? What in the hell were you thinking, letting your blood sugar drop that low?” Hannibal growled at Face. “No, never mind; you didn't think. That's your problem, isn't it? You just do as you damn well please, and to hell with the consequences. You couldn't give a damn the way anyone else may feel!”

Face stared at Hannibal in complete disbelief. He wasn't sure what was going on. One minute he was telling Murdock he was all right; the next Hannibal was in his face, yelling at him.

“Hannibal, whats…”

“Shut up!” Hannibal snapped as he tightened his grip on the back of Faces neck, squeezing the tender flesh to the point of pain. “You better pull your head out of your ass and decide what matters to you, because I've had it!” 

“Stop, Hannibal!” Face grabbed hold of Hannibal’s wrist and attempted to remove it from his neck but he was still far too weak to put up any fight.

“I’m not finished,” Hannibal growled as he tightened down on Face’s neck even more.

“You’re hurting me.” Face pulled at Hannibal’s arm again, and this time the Colonel let go.

“Now, you know how I feel!” The Colonel growled at the younger man before he moved back to his seat in the front.

BA and Murdock looked at their leader in complete shock. Neither of them knew what to say to this sudden outburst. Murdock started to open his mouth, but Face mutely shook his head. The rest of the trip to Langley was traveled in silence.

***

“What do I have to do to make you want me? What do I have to do to be heard?”

As he looks down at his blood-slicked hands, Hannibal realized that it may be too late, that there may not be a chance to change things. 

For once in his life, the great Hannibal Smith may just be too late

“What do I do when its all over?”

***

Face sat in the back of the van by himself until they reached Langley, he even managed to keep his temper in check until they had cleared the house of all the new listening devices and cameras, but when Hannibal lit into him again for no apparent reason, the younger man decided to confront his lover.

“I need to talk to you.” Face crossed his arms over his chest, blocking the Colonel’s way out of the living room.

“I suggest you move, Lieutenant,” Hannibal warned as he tried to push past Face.

“No, not this time, Colonel, you’ve treated me and Murdock like complete shit for the last two days, and I want to know why.”

“I think you know why.” Hannibal glared at Face as he tried to shove past him, only to have Face block his way again.

“Oh, come off it.” Face shook his head. “Look, I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to spend any time together, I wanted to be with you too but I told you…”

“Yeah, I heard just how damn sorry you were. Now move before I move you.” Hannibal tried to shove Face out of the way, but the smaller man held his ground.

“Heard?! What the hell are you talking about?” Face shook his head. “You’re not making any sense.”

“Oh, come off it, Peck! You were caught red-handed!” A twisted smile formed on Hannibal’s lips. “Or should I say 'red-assed'?”

“Hannibal, what…”

“God damn it, I heard everything you and Murdock did that night he needed your help so fucking bad! The walls at the hotel weren’t as thick as you thought, I heard the two of you fucking each other’s brains out!” Hannibal shoved Face backward. “Now, get the hell out of my way before I beat the shit out of you!”

“Murdock and me? Hannibal, we weren’t in the room next to you…”

“Bullshit!” Hannibal yelled in his lover’s face.

“We were, but we moved.” Face shook his head, not believing what he was hearing. The TV remote broke and we couldn't get the station that was showing Woody Woodpecker, so we moved down the hall. We had adjoining rooms with BA and Frankie.”

“You were caught, so stop lying!” Hannibal stabbed Face in the chest with his finger. “Be a fucking man for once in your life and admit it!”

“I’m not lying!” Face backed up a half-step to get away from the older man’s finger as it bruised his chest with each stab. “If you don’t believe me, ask BA. We were all up half the night listening to Frankie snore. At about 3:00, BA damn-near smothered him to death with a pillow. That is the reason Frankie flew home, BA threatened to kill him if he had to hear the racket one more night.”

As Hannibal looked at his lover, he could see the pain and hurt appearing in his handsome face.

“I can’t believe you thought I was cheating on you. Why would you ever think I would do that to you, to us?” Face asked softly.

“What was I supposed to think? I’m woken up in the middle of the night by two people having a whole hell of a lot better time than I am in the room where my lover is supposed to be sleeping with his best friend. You tell me what I’m supposed to think?”

Hannibal watched as Peck’s face clouded over, and his jaw set with anger.

“I would think It can’t be my partner because he loves ME!” Face yelled back suddenly, enraged by the accusation. “My God, John, is that all you think of me?" Not giving time for Hannibal to answer, Face continued, his anger building by the second. "You are just un-fucking-believable! How many times do I have to tell you there is no one else? Just you damn it!" Face glared at Hannibal.

"Don't get shitty with me! I heard..."

"You heard me, you heard me! Jesus Christ, you call me insecure! You are worse than I could ever be! You heard noises, and you assumed! Did you ever think about going over there to see just who it was?"

Embarrassed by his lack of action on that part of the subject, Hannibal tried a different tactic. "Come off it, Face. You're younger and more..."

"Oh, here it goes again. 'You're younger than I am. I'm old enough to be your father. You're going to find someone younger.' Well, you know what, Hannibal? I hope you're happy because WE ARE DONE!!! I'm tired of not being trusted. I love YOU and only YOU with my entire heart, but I am sick and tired of being accused of things that I don't do!” Face grabbed his jacket and stormed toward the door

"Where in the hell do you think you’re going?" Hannibal started after Face but stopped when the younger man spun around to look at him.

"Just where you want me and have tried to put me for the last fifteen years! OUT OF YOUR LIFE!!!!”

With that, Face walked out the door and slammed it behind him, effectively cutting off the one person that had ever meant anything to him in his entire life.

***

Face sat in his car, looking up at the house. He wanted to go back in and try to sort things out, but he just couldn't. He was tired of the whole thing. Ever since they had come to Virginia, his life had been a complete mess. There was never any "alone time" anymore. They were always on guard, having to watch out for whoever may be watching, or even if the damn roomed was bugged. There was no more fun time for them as a couple. He missed lying on the couch with his head on Hannibal's lap, his lover running his hands through his hair until he fell asleep, or curling up in the bed watching TV. But more than anything, he missed having his lover wrapped around him at night. He missed feeling safe.

“Where you going, little brother?”

Face jumped when BA spoke behind him.

“Jesus, don’t do that.”

“Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t scare me. I was just distracted; that’s all.”

BA moved so he could see Face better.

“You look more than distracted.” He studied Face closer noticing the pained expression that his young friend was trying to hide. “What’s going on?”

Face sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headrest. 

“It’s over.”

“What?” BA asked, not understanding what Face was saying.

“I just ended my relationship with the Colonel.” Face shook his head, his hands moving to cover his face. “He… he accused me of cheating.”

BA watched as the tears slipped out from under Faces hands just before the blonde slumped forward over the steering wheel, his slim shoulders shaking as he sobbed silently.

“Man, Face, it’s all right.” BA opened the car door and pulled Face into his arms. He wasn't good at comforting, but when it came to Face, he couldn't stand to see him suffer any more than the others could. “It’s all right, little brother.” BA rubbed Face’s back as the young man cried silently into his shoulder.” It’s going to be all right.”

***

“Have you lost your mind?” BA growled as he watched the blonde bimbo make her way into the living room. “Why in the hell are you doing this?”

“Look, BA, he broke up with me. Why in the hell shouldn’t I enjoy myself?”

“Only because you accused him of cheating on you,” BA growled, not understanding why the older man was so damn contrary.

“Well, if the shoe fits,”

“You know, Hannibal, you a fool, a complete fool,” BA growled as he stood up. “Face loved you with everything he had, and you just crushed him.”

The words that BA spoke went straight to his gut because he knew that the other man was right, but he wasn't going to show it. 

“Where are you going?” Hannibal asked instead as he watched BA move to the door.

“I’m going to get a pizza.”

***  
“What do I do when lightning strikes me, and I wake to find that you're not there?”

“Oh God, kid, breathe, please, just one more time . . . don't give up now. Please, Sunshine, breathe.”

***

“Anchovies!”

Hannibal could hear BA yelling, but he wasn’t paying that much attention. Hell, BA had been growling and grumbling so much over the last couple of weeks, he had begun to ignore it. Considering most of it had been directed at him, there wasn't much he could do but ignore it. And now that he had started seeing a few ladies, he could only imagine that it would only get worse.

However, everything changed when he looked down at the pizza and saw the word HELP written in the salty little fish.

Now they were sitting in front of the restaurant, and Murdock had just confirmed his worst fears. He had kept his calm in front of BA, but his insides were in complete knots. How bad was bad? Was he just tied up and out of the way, or was he hurt? He had to get inside, and he had to do it now.

***

As he leaned over his lover, he began to realize what a fool he had been. It didn't matter if Face had cheated on him or not. He didn't care. They would work through it; he just needed Face back in his life, and most important, he needed to have the younger man by his side.

‘Don’t you give up on me, Tem. Don’t you dare even think about giving up on me,’ Hannibal thought as he looked down at his lover, who was struggling for breath behind the bar before he was marched past him to a dining room table.

He watched as the would-be killers ranted and raved about their plan for killing the attorney-general all the while he and the team waited, and - more importantly - prayed that Face could hold on just a little longer.

It seemed to take forever, but finally, he had tossed the cigar, knowing that it should ignite the gas in the kitchen and give them the distraction they needed.

‘Please, God, let this work. He doesn’t deserve to die alone on a dirty restaurant floor. You can't take him like this. Not alone. Please, not thinking I hate him.’

Hannibal looked to his side. He could see that Murdock was trying to act like his best friend wasn't bleeding to death a few feet away from him, and Hannibal had to admit that the other man was acting as sane as he had ever acted.

BA had his head down, pretending to eat, but Hannibal could see that the big man was clenching and unclenching his fists. His grip was so tight on the fork, Hannibal was surprised that he wasn't bleeding from the pressure it was causing as it bit into his skin.

It felt like an eternity before the gas explosion went off, but then it was over in a matter of seconds. The thugs were down, Murdock and Frankie were looking for the corrupt cop, and he was now kneeling beside Face, his Lieutenant, his friend, his companion, the man he would give his own life for, the man he had turned his back on because he was too stubborn to listen.

He lifted Faces shirt, looked at the still-bleeding wound, and wondered how much more the younger man's body could take. BA promised him that Face would be at D.C. General in five minutes, but he wasn't sure that Face had that long. As he lifted the young man into his arms, he could feel Face tremble in his grip as the tremors ran through him.

“A few more minutes, kid,” Hannibal whispered into his lover's ear. “Just hold on for a few more minutes.”

He had just stepped out onto the curb when BA came to a screeching halt. In a matter of seconds, the big man had the door open, and they were loading Face inside.

Hannibal watched as Face opened his eyes to look at him. His mouth opened, but nothing came out.

“Shh...relax, Tem. Save your strength. We’ll be at the hospital in a few minutes.” He tried to reassure the younger man as he brushed the blonde bangs off his lover’s sweat-soaked brow. When had his hair gotten so long?

As BA slammed his foot down on the accelerator and the van lurched forward, Hannibal pulled Faces shirt back to look at the wound. ‘God help him; this isn't good,’ he thought.

“You're going to be okay, kid. We're almost there. You just hang on for me.”

Hannibal put pressure on the wound, hoping to slow the bleeding. Instead, the blood pooled around his hands, covering them in red. What scared him worse, however, was that Face never protested. He never made a sound.

Hannibal slid one of his blood-soaked hands to Faces neck and felt for a pulse. His own heart leaped into his throat when he did not find one. The eyes that stared back at him were now vacant.

“Don't do this to me, kid! You cant do this to me!”

Hannibal tore Faces shirt open, exposing his chest. The small buttons scattered across the floor of the van as they popped off the blood-soaked white shirt. Hannibal ran his fingers over Face’s chest as they made their way across his rib cage toward his heart.

“When did you lose so much weight?” Hannibal's mind raced as he placed one hand over the other and began to compress Face’s chest, he could hear the younger man's ribs protesting his actions with each compression.

“Why didn't I notice this?”

He heard BA yell that they'd arrived, but Hannibal didn't stop. Like so many times before, he held Faces life in his hands, and like all the other times, he had no intention of letting go.

“Don’t you quit on me, Peck! Damn it, Soldier, don't you dare give up on me!” Hannibal yelled at his lover.

He could feel hands on his shoulders and hear voices telling him that he needed to move, but he didn't stop. He couldn't stop. If he did, he would lose the one thing in life that meant everything to him.

“You can't have him, you bastard!” Hannibal yelled at God and the heavens. He was done begging. He was angry, and he would not let Face leave him. Not like this. Not taken away by some two-bit mob boss. “Not like this. Damn it, Templeton, fight!”

Strong arms grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back, but Hannibal fought to stay beside his lover. As he struggled against BA’s grip, he watched as the hospital emergency staff pulled Face from the back of the van, put his limp body on a stretcher, and rushed him into the hospital. And then he was standing in the parking lot by an empty van, covered in the younger man's blood.

***

They had lost Face. He was gone, yet Hannibal had managed to bring him back. The doctors had praised him for his quick action in starting CPR, but he didn't want praise. Hannibal wanted forgiveness.

He looked at his hands, now tinted pink from his Face’s blood.

“What else have I missed?” he asked himself as he looked at the young man hooked to so many different machines and tubes he didn’t know where one ended, and the other began. Face seemed so small, so frail. Hannibal knew that Face was a fighter, he was tough, and like so many times before, he would make it through this. But at what cost?

“Why couldn't I have just said sorry?” Hannibal stated softly as he continued to look at his hands. “Just one damn word.”

End


End file.
